Start "The Talk" Early

Start "The Talk" Early

Today, kids are exposed to so much information about sex and relationships from the Internet and friends that by the time they approach puberty, they may be familiar with some ideas. And yet, talking about the issues of puberty remains an important job for parents because not all of a child's information comes from reliable sources. The problem is again that in our frum community for some pathetic reason this stuff isn't spoken about when it should be and therefore we end up with alot of problems. Realize, this is creating alot of problems. If you the parents don't feel comfortable talking to your son about it openly, how is he supposed to feel comfortable asking you anything. That leads to him reaching for information from other sources like the internet. He also might not know what's happening to him with all the physical changes and that may cause him worry and have anxiety. Your not being responsible as a parent. Going through all the changes can make him feel scared and alone.

Don't wait for your child to come to you with questions about his or her changing body — that day may never arrive, especially if your child doesn't know it's OK talk to you about this sensitive topic.

Hopefully, as a parent, you've already started talking to your kids about the changes our bodies go through as we grow. Since the toddler years, kids have questions, you can imagine the questions that go through your sons head while reaching puberty.

It's important to answer these questions about puberty honestly and openly. If you can't do it, have someone your son feels comfortable talking to. By the time kids are 8 years old, they should know what physical and emotional changes are associated with puberty. That may seem young, but think about it some girls are wearing training bras by then and some boys' voices begin to change just a few years later.

The Timing With Boys and Girls:

With girls, it's important that parents talk about menstruation before their daughters actually get their periods. If they are unaware of what's happening, girls can be frightened by the sight and location of the blood.

Most girls get their first period when they're 12 or 13 years old, which is about 2 or 2½ years after they begin puberty. But some get their periods as early as age 9, while others get it as late as age 16. Either way as a parent you should be talking about it to them.

On average, boys begin going through puberty a little later than girls, usually around age 10 or 11. But they may begin to develop sexually or have their first ejaculation without looking older.

Just as it helps adults to know what to expect with changes such as moving to a new home or working for a new company, kids should know about puberty ahead of time. It's horrible to know that this subject is kept quiet, omg my son asked me what this sticky stuff on my bed is?!?!?!? Were all human we all go through it. It's sad that we keep this topic so closed.

Let your sons know your available any time to talk and answer his questions. This will make him feel more secure.

Happy parenting! Be the best parent you can be!☺☺☺

What Its Like Living With Social Anxiety

All day, every day, life is like this.  Fear.  Apprehension.  Avoidance.  Pain.  Anxiety about what you said.  Fear that you said something wrong.  Worry about others disapproval.  Afraid of rejection, of not fitting in.  Anxious to enter a conversation, afraid you'll have nothing to talk about.  Hiding what's wrong with you deep inside, putting up a defensive wall to protect your "secret".  Does this sound familiar? You are undergoing the daily, chronic trouble of living with this mental disorder we call social anxiety disorder.

Very few people understand the agonizing and traumatic depth of social anxiety disorder.  Social anxiety makes people go inside themselves and try to "protect" this secret.  Most people with social anxiety disorder try to hide it from others, especially from family friends and loved ones.  There is fear that family members may find out they suffer from social anxiety, and then view them differently or outright reject them. Wich is not always true.  But the fear of this happening makes many people with social anxiety stay in their dark closet.

This might sound funny to you, but Millions of people quietly endure this pain every day, believing there is no hope for them getting better.

What is social anxiety like?

A man finds it difficult to walk down the street because he’s self-conscious and feels that people are watching him from their windows. Or he may run into a person on the sidewalk and be forced to say hello to them. He’s not sure he can do that. His voice will catch, his "hello" will sound weak, and the other person will know he’s frightened. More than anything else, he doesn’t want anyone to know that he’s afraid. He keeps his eyes safely away from anyone else’s gaze and prays he can make it home without having to talk to anyone. Can you relate?

A woman hates to stand in line in the grocery store because she’s afraid that everyone is watching her. She knows that it’s not really true, but she can’t get rid of the feeling. While she is shopping, she is conscious of the fact that people might be staring at her from the big mirrors on the inside front of the ceiling. Now, she has to talk to the person who’s checking out the groceries. She tries to smile, but her voice comes out weakly. She’s sure she’s making a fool of herself. Her self-consciousness and her anxiety rise to the roof. She thinks to herself Hashem please help me... I can't continue this way. Will I ever be normal?

Another person sits in front of the telephone and agonizes because she’s afraid to pick up the receiver and make a call. She’s even afraid to call an unknown person in a business office about the electric bill because she’s afraid she’ll be "putting someone out" and they will be upset with her. It’s very hard for her to take rejection, even over the phone, even from someone she doesn’t know. She’s especially afraid to call people she knows because she feels that she’ll be calling at the wrong time -- the other person will be busy — and they won’t want to talk with her. She feels rejected even before she makes the call. Once the call is made and over, she sits, analyzes, and ruminates about what was said, what tone it was said in, and how she was perceived by the other person....her anxiety and racing thoughts concerning the call prove to her that she messed this conversation up, too, just like she always does. Sometimes she gets embarrassed just thinking about the call. The pain is agonizing.

"I would freeze up every time I had to meet someone in authority...." my stomach would turn, I got nauseous. I felt like I had to vomit.

A man hates to go to work because a meeting is scheduled the next day. He knows that these meetings always involve co-workers talking with each other about their current projects. Just the thought of speaking in front of co-workers raises his anxiety. Sometimes he can’t sleep the night before because of the  anxiety that builds up.

Finally, the meeting is over. A big wave of relief spills over him as he begins to relax. But the memory of the meeting is still uppermost in his mind. He is convinced he made a fool of himself and that everyone in the room saw how afraid he was when he spoke and how stupid he acted in their presence. At next week’s meeting, the boss is going to be there. Even though this meeting is seven days away, his stomach turns raw with anxiety and the the fear floods over him again. He knows that in front of the boss he’ll stammer, hesitate, his face will turn red, he won’t remember what to say, and everyone will witness his embarrassment and humiliation.

He has seven miserable days of anxiety ahead of him, to think about it, ruminate over it, worry about it, overexaggerate it in his mind...over and over again. He can't focus on daily activities. Its affecting his marriage. "I don't know where to turn to" he says.

A student won’t attend her classes on the first day because she knows that in some classes the teacher will instruct them to go around the room and introduce themselves. Just thinking about sitting there, waiting to introduce herself to a room full of strangers who will be staring at her makes her feel nauseous. She knows she won’t be able to think clearly because her anxiety will be so high, and she is sure she will leave out important details. Her voice might even begin to stutter and she would sound scared and start to shake. The anxiety is just too much to bear -- so she skips the first day of class to avoid the possibility of having to introduce herself in public.

"I’m the only one in the world who has these horrible symptoms...." she thinks to herself.

My precious sisters and brothers,
You are not the only one with Social Anxiety, with all these horrible symtoms. Your not alone at all. This is just not spoken about in our community. For some reason its a big secret. So I'm writing about it hopefully to bring awareness to our parents and bring this out into the open.

Good news!!! Social Anxiety is not only treatable with CBT therapy, but also very successful!  Therapy?? No way!! I'm not going to therapy!!! Well.... That's another topic.

If your looking for a CBT therapist and don't know where to start, pls call Relief 718-431-9501 you can stay anonymous.

"Its Not Going To Be easy, Its Going To Be Worth It."

Why Isnt "This" Spoken About?

   Unfortunately, there are so many sexual offenders within our community, maybe a stranger a teacher a Rabbi or perhaps a reletive sadly.
   When and how do we start preparing our children from this dangerous world?
   How do we go about protecting them?
Sex offenders touch and molest all ages. From comon tzaddick come sit on my lap, to putting them to "sleep". Using the bathroom in school. Who knows what's happening there? Who knows who's snapping pictures???
   In the CHASSIDISHA world its not accepted to talk about or educate our kids about sexual offenders  and about touching..... this is an aweful, horrible and wrong way to go!!!!
   There are ways to teach children when to run, when to scream. There are great utube videos to teach kids not to talk to strangers and when to say somthing feels wrong. (ill try to find the video).
   Every parent has a responsibility as soon as the child can talk and understand,  to teach him/her when to tell mommy.
    There are books and videos that can guide you.

     NOW WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE:

SEXUAL ABUSE-Sexual abuse, also referred to as molestation, is forcing undesired sexual behavior by one person upon another. When that force is immediate, of short duration, or infrequent, it is called sexual assault. The offender is referred to as a sexual abuser or (often pejoratively) molester.[1] The term also covers any behavior by any adult or older adolescent towards a child to stimulate any of the involved sexually. The use of a child or other individuals younger than the age of consent for sexual stimulation is referred to as child sexual abuse or statutory rape.

SEXUAL ASSAULT- Sexual assault is a crime of power and control. The term sexual assault refers to sexual contact or behavior that occurs without explicit consent of the victim. Some forms of sexual assault include: Penetration of the victim's body, also known as rape. Attempted rape.

MOLESTATION- (same as Sexual abuse.)
      
RAPE- Rape is penetration by force or against the will of the victim.

It's important to know the difference.

If anybody ever crosses boundaries or your child isn't acting right, check it out!

Always report!!!! It doesn't matter who it is!!!!https://youtu.be/f7GxbOvvtGY

Validating The BPD Sufferer...

Please be aware that this video may be triggering for some people and may contain graphic images. (To view the video highlight the link and tap on it. It should show up und underneath tap on that and videos will come up. It's the first one.)

I put this video up just to validate those suffering with BPD. Bpd is real. And while the video does say their is no cure, their IS treatment to learn how to manage it. Again if anyone is seriously interested in getting help and needs some advice you can email me at shoecrayze@gmail.com.

https://youtu.be/-ERDOoi1-0Q    

Or copy and paste link to utube it will be first video.https://youtu.be/-ERDOoi1-0Qhttps://youtu.be/-ERDOoi1-0Q

Oy! She's In Pants???

Oy! She's wearing a skirt above her knee or oy! She's in pants?!?!?!? Wow! I can't believe it!! How is she still married? Mamish ve a goy!! Shreklach!
Ummm..... this is a sensitive topic and people will have different opinions but feel free to voice them.

So you see this girl in the street that comes from a fine home, they have yichus and she's in pants. Guess what ladies!!!!! Your judging!!! She's a goy??? Why, because she's in pants???? Maybe she's going through a tough time. Or maybe she's trying to figure out who she is! I mean its so sad that people judge by the clothes someone wears. Maybe she says Tehilim every day and volunteers in the hospital. There are other parts to a person besides her dress code. And how about their are different kinds of Jews. Some wear a yarmulka some don't. Some wear a skirt some wear pants. Some shave their
hair some don't. Judging a person by how he or she dresses is horrible!!! Shame on you!!! I don't judge you for the ugly tichel your wearing, so please don't judge us for the clothing were wearing.

Shaping Their Sexual Sense Of Self

Here are ten tips to consider from early childhood through adolescence, and upon marriage:

Acknowledge what feels good: Validate your child’s senses. Whether its back tickling, bubble baths, the smell of a jasmine flower, or the warm sun shining down on a chilly day, point out how wonderful it is to feel physically pleasant sensations. Teach girls to experience and not just accomplish things. Do not stop or discourage your daughter from self-genital stimulation. It’s normal. When appropriate, you can explain that it’s a “private” activity.

Touch: Touch is a basic human need and the ability to receive and feel safe with touch is basic to sexuality. Hugging, cuddling, massages at the spa for her 16th birthday, help prepare young women for sexual life. I was recently told that teachers at some ulpanot (religious girl’s high school) discourage hugs between students. Teaching girls to respect each other’s boundaries is good, but a completely touch-free environment is not. It is amazing how many young brides are unable to engage in sexual touch because they are not used to ever being touched at all.

Facilitate a positive body image: Do not disparage your daughter’s physical qualities, ask her if she really “needs” a second portion of dessert, or tell her she should lose weight if she wants to find a husband. Women come in all shapes and sizes, and health, not thinness, should be encouraged. Be a positive role model and never say, “I am so fat” in front of your daughters.

Exercise (and wear what you want in the gym): Girls need to know their bodies, feel strong and in control, and comfortable within their own skin. Don’t say, “don’t swing your hips that way, its not modest.” Say yes to Zumba, belly dancing, yoga, and let girls be comfortable in shorts and tank tops. All these activities are available in girls- and women-only settings. Discourage heavy outerwear or “modest pool wear” at women’s only swim. What for? Save the bathing skirts for family beach outings.

Let her primp: Be patient with your daughter’s need for personal space and time spent getting dressed and “primping.” Often, this behavior merely reflects teens’ attempts to maintain some sense of control over their rapidly changing bodies.

Talk about sex and genitals: When kids ask questions about sex, parents should provide open and honest answers at a level appropriate to the child’s age. If adults do not provide accurate information, children are forced to rely on their peers or other potentially inaccurate sources. And don’t whitewash body parts. You can say vulva and vagina and explain the difference. How else can she tell you if something hurts or itches if she doesn’t have the language for that body part? Acknowledge it, or it won’t exist for her. And don’t tell her that tampons are only for after marriage. This also sends the message that her genitals are currently irrelevant.

Use media as an opportunity: When you let kids watch violent scenes in a movie, but run to turn off the TV if there is a kissing scene, you send a negative message. Who was kissing and what was the context? This is a great opportunity to talk about values around sex, normative feelings of desire and arousal, as well as how to teach about boundaries. If you see an advertisement of a half naked woman selling a product, rather than “prutza* shame” the model, use the opportunity to talk about the objectification of women’s bodies in advertising.

Model healthy sexuality: Let your kids see that you and your partner love and are attracted to one another and don’t be afraid to kiss and hug when they are around. Even if they act averse, don’t believe it; deep down, kids love to see that their parents are affectionate. Lest you think this can only work in modern Orthodox households, even Haredi couples, who traditionally don’t show physical affection in front of kids, can send positive messages with affectionate words and behavior.

Encourage your daughters to “tell me what you want, what you really, really want”: To enjoy sex, one need to be able to say things like “this feels good” or “this is uncomfortable”. If girls do not learn the language of asking for, or anticipating that their needs be met, they will have a hard time experiencing pleasure.

Don’t frame Nidda laws as “protective”:  Dr. Sztokman states “You go from one extreme to the other without anything in between. …there is no such thing as affection which is not sexual — a man is not even supposed to pass the salt to his wife when he can’t have sex with her because you never know where passing the salt can lead to.” However, you wish to explain the “harchakot”**, let’s not attribute them to the need to make boundaries. That makes the perceived force of touch as turning immediately to sexual intercourse into something scary and uncontrollable, and can create anxiety in many young women, particularly as they return home from the mikvah.

Encourage autonomy: In order to say yes, you have to have the option to say no.If a woman is told that she must “provide” sex because her husband expects, wants and needs it, she will understand that her body does not belong to her, and this will affect her ability to view sex positively.

There's A lot More She's Not Telling You...

So I'm wondering if anyone has the same or similar thoughts as me where kallah teachers need to majorly improve on how they prepare our girls for their wedding night.

I feel that kallah teachers do not prepare our girls well enough or if at all what will happen on their wedding night. How dare does the kallah teacher save the actual "mitzvah" lesson for the night before her wedding?!?!?!?! Your taking a Jewish innocent girl who has no idea what a penis looks like ..... has never been with a man before and all your busy teaching is how to wrap the shmata around the finger!?!?!?!?!? Is that fair???? THAT IS TRAUMA!!!

Every kallah teacher should know that there is alot more then just intercourse!!!! Every girl should be given a CD or video to watch before her wedding so she can process what will happen in the yichud room and on her wedding nigh!!! It's a shreck and a shame how kallah teachers teach!! Because they DON'T teach!!!!!

Dear girls,
When looking for a kallah teacher make sure she doesn't only talk about the" mitzvah" there's alot more she's not telling you. Find someone who will prepare you well especially girls who have never been with a man! Good Luck!!!!  

Why Are Their So Many Failed Marriages

Why are there SO many failed marriages. So many broken up familys??? What's gone wrong?

Well dear parents,
   You might THINK you know your 18 yr old child. But you don't!!!! YOU think he's sitting in Yeshiva learing huh??? Sweet dreams. Your son is haking a laiben!!!! And I'm personally all for it! (well a lot of it).
Witch normal boy in 2016, wants to be sitting, locked in Yeshiva learning, when there's all these "good stuff" out there!!
We have smartphones, tablets, smoking, girls and other activities.... oh wait, forgot to mention, YOU can have a smartphone and a tablet but ur 18 yr old cant???? What kind of screwed up message are you sending?!?!?!?! 

So, you still think you know your son???
Wake up parents!!!! You son isn't in Yeshiva learning!! Yes! Your son has a smartphone and a tablet!! Yes your son hangs out with his friends until 4am!!! This is the world were living in!!! Face it!!!
STOP BEING IN DENIAL!!!! DON'T DO AN ARRANGED MARRIAGE FOR HIM IF HE'S NOT THE TYPE!!! WHY MARRY HIM OFF THE "FRUMMY" GIRL AND HAVE HIM BACK HOME 2 WEEKS!! LET HIM DATE!!! LET HIM GET THE GIRL HE WANTS!!! NOT THE GIRL YOU WANT!!!

GIVE YOUR SON SOME FREEDOM!! LET HIM NOT FEEL SCARED OF YOU, LET HIM OPEN UP AND SAY "MOMMY, I DON'T NEED SUCH A GIRL, I WANT TO DATE, I WANT TO CHOOSE A GIRL OF MY LIKINGS." WITHOUT BEING AFRAID HE WILL BE BEATEN UP!!!

PARENTS, UNLESS YOU WANT YOUR CHILD BACK HOME GOD FORBID WITH A BABY, LISTEN TO THIS ARTICLE, GIVE HIM SOME FREEDOM, DATING AND LETTING HIM CHOOSE HIS KALLAH ISN'T SO BAD!!!

DO YOU WANT NACHAS OR DO YOU WANT CHAS VSHALOM TO BE A MOMMY AGAIN OF YOUR SONS CHILD?

SOMTHING TO THINK ABOUT.......

Poem Written By Me

Why am I so sad?
This is terrible and so bad.

I have so much pain in my heart,              I'm nearly falling apart.

I wish people would see,
But how could it be me?

I lay alone in my bed,
I don't wanna eat I wanna be fed.

I'm miss the love I need,
Who knows where this will lead.

My head is so foggy,
I feel sick and groggy.

I am scared what will be,
Suicide, me?

I can't believe what's happening to my life,
I wanna be a happy mother, daughter and wife.

The tears don't stop flowing,
I don't want it showing.

When will the pain end,
Hashem please a refuah send.

I'm gonna try to stay strong,
Nothing Hashem does is wrong.

Thank you for reading this poem,
I feel a little better and not so alone.

                                                   Sincerly, Me

"SUICIDE"

WARNING: THIS ARTICLE CAN BE A TRIGGER FOR SOME PEOPLE.

SO, THERE HAS BEEN A HIGH AMOUNT OF SUICIDE IN THE FRUM COMMUNITY. IT'S EXTREMELY DISTURBING TO ME AND MANY OTHER PEOPLE. IT'S A HORRIBLE THING THAT SOMEONE FEELS THEY HAVE TO TAKE THEIR LIFE. THAT NOBODY CARES ABOUT THEM! NOBODY LOVES ME! I'M HOPELESS! NOBODY WILL MISS ME ANYWAY!

THERE WAS ACTUALLY A MAN NOW, WHO ON HIS FACEBOOK PAGE SAID, "I WANNA DIE, I'M SO DEPRESSED. DEPRESSION SUCKS. WHY ME?!?!?! I DON'T WANT TO LIVE ANYMORE, I'M GONNA DO IT, I WILL......" AND SO ON!!! WHO BELIEVED HIM??? NOONE!!!! NO ONE BELIEVED THIS MAN!!! NO ONE HEARD HIS PAIN!!! HE WAS YELLING OUT TO THE WORLD "I'M DEPRESSED I'M IN PAIN, I CAN NO LONGER HOLD ON!!!! I DON'T WANNA BE HERE!!!!" DID ANYONE REACH OUT TO HIM??? NO!! IT WAS A CRY FOR HELP!!! THIS WENT ON FOR THREE DAYS. THE FOURTH DAY HE WAS GONE. TOO LATE. TOO LATE FOR HELP. HE'S GONE. HE'S NEVER COMING BACK.

PARENTS, TEACHERS, FRIENDS, LISTEN!!!! LISTEN TO WHAT YOUR DAUGHTER IS SAYING, OR NOT SAYING!!!!!

YOU WAKE UP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT AND YOUR 15 YEAR OLD IS NOT IN HER BED. SHE'S ON THE FIRE ESCAPE SMOKING AND HAVING SOME ALCOHOL, DO YOU THINK SOMTHING IS WRONG? OH, NO. SHES  "TEENAGING" SHE'S GOING THROUGH A STAGE. WRONG!!!! WRONG!!!! WRONG!!!!

  DEAR YIDDISHA PARENTS!!!!!
DON'T WE LOVE OUR KIDS?! DON'T WE WANT THEM AROUND!? DON'T WE WANT THEM HAPPY!? THEREFOR, AS THEY SAY, "IF YOU SEE SOMETHING, SAY SOMETHING!!!" LETS NOT WAIT FOR ANOTHER TRAGEDY!!!! IF YOU SUSPECT SOMTHING, TAKE ACTION!!! TAKE ACTION BEFORE ITS TOO LATE!!!!

THIS IS WHAT LEADS TO SUICIDE!!!! NOT NOTICING, AND BEING IN DENIAL!!! WELL ITS TIME THIS COMES OUT INTO THE OPEN AND BROUGHT TO THE TABLE!!!

DEPRESSION CAN LEAD TO SUICIDE. DEPRESSION IS SERIOUS.

DEAR MOMMYS,

"IF YOU SEE SOMETHING, SAY SOMETHING!"

IF THIS LETTER SAVES EVEN ONE LIFE, I HAVE ACHIEVED MY PURPOSE IN LIFE.

THANK YOU FOR READING.

Here Are Some Very Useful Hotlines And Text Hotlines

NATIONAL RUNAWAY SAFELINE:

ADMIN  773.880.9860

FAX 773.929.5150

CALL 1-800-RUNAWAY

CLICK 1800RUNAWAY.org

TEXT 66008

CRISIS TEXT LINE:

HOW IT WORKS

FREE SUPPORT AT YOUR FINGERTIPS, 24/7

Crisis Text Line serves anyone, in any type of crisis, providing access to free, 24/7 support and information via the medium people already use and trust: text. Here’s how it works:

Text 741-741 from anywhere in the USA, anytime, about any type of crisis.A live, trained Crisis Counselor receives the text and responds quickly.The volunteer Crisis Counselor will help you move from a hot moment to a cool moment

Special Letter....

DEAR BEAUTIFUL SOULS,
THIS IS A SPECIAL LETTER TO THOSE SUFFERING FROM BPD (BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER).
BPD IS A HORRIBLE MENTAL DISORDER.
PEOPLE WITH BPD STRUGGLE TO SURVIVE EVERY MINUTE OF THE DAY. IT'S AN EXTREMELY PAINFUL DISEASE THAT MOST PEOPLE DON'T UNDERSTAND. PEOPLE DON'T "GET" IT. AND THAT MAKES IT EVEN HARDER FOR THE SUFFERER. THEY FEEL HOPELESS AND HELPLESS.  IT'S WHERE YOUR ENTIRE PERSONALITY IS TWISTED. YOUR THINKING, YOUR PERCEPTION, YOUR EMOTIONS AND FEELINGS ARE OUT OF WACK. IT'S A DISEASE WHERE EVEN PROFESSIONALS HAVE A HARD TIME UNDERSTANDING AND DIAGNOSING. THE SAD PART IS, ITS NOT SPOKEN ABOUT IN OUR COMMUNITY. PEOPLE ARE ASHAMED. PEOPLE ARE IN DENIAL. PEOPLE ARE NOT GETTING THE RIGHT HELP, WITCH LEADS TO DIVORCE, OVERDOSE AND SUICIDE. GUESS WHAT MY DEAR FRIENDS, YOU ARE NOT YOUR ILLNESS. NEITHER IS IT YOUR FAULT. AND THE GOOD NEWS IS, THAT WITH TIME, THERAPY AND MEDICINE, THIS DISEASE CAN BE MANAGED AND YOU CAN LIVE A BEAUTIFUL FUNCTIONAL LIFE AND BE A HAPPY MOTHER, DAUGHTER AND WIFE! 💗💗💗

Questions about where to get help......
You can email shoecrayze@gmail.com
Serious inquiries ONLY!

Some Funny And Not Funny Quotes

Crying is healing. But laughing is too :)

This Is Depression. The UNSPOKEN disease.

I sit alone in the dark.
The sun is shining, birds chirping, children playing.
But all that surrounds me is darkness.
Every time someone says, "Cheer up,"
I sink deeper into my pit.
The hole my brain has dug for itself.
The serotonin that refuses to pass through my synapses.
This is depression.
The unspoken disease.
I sink deeper in my pit.
People tell you to "be happy," "smile more," "just get out of the house," "you're holding yourself back."
I smile and say, "I'll try. Thanks," and give a little chuckle.
What an act!
I suffer alone.
I do not want their useless words.
They do not understand.
How could they?
I sink deeper in my pit.
My eyes close and I picture respite. But in this dream, there are pills, ropes, knives, chemicals, and ledges.
No, that won't do. But it sounds so nice.
I sink deeper into my pit.
The light is gone. I sleep all day. The dream world is where I am happy. Away from people. Away from life.
I sink deeper into my pit.
Colors are nonexistent. Black and white are my world. Minus the white.
Snowballing through gritty streets, turning the pristine ball of hope into a filthy mound of broken dreams.
I sink deeper in my pit.
Depression stays by my side.
My only friend. But this friend, well, he is the one who talks behind your back. The one who makes fun of you to get ahead. This is the guy that pushes you to the ground and then laughs. This is the one who you cling onto because you have no one else.
I sink deeper in my pit.
I finally muster up the courage. I scream for help. But by now, no one can hear me. No one wants to hear me. I have pushed them all away.
Why am I still here?
Because I don't want to die. But I do. I am so confused.
Death greets me when I knock on his door.
I meant to play ding dong ditch.
But no, Death has seen me.
He says, "My turn" and gives me a knife.
The knife is white like an angel. So full of innocence. Made for chopping carrots for a stew.
I am to taint this knife with my blood. The blood of depression.
I sink deeper in my pit.
Death winks and says, "Let's pick up the pace. I don't have all day."
I reply, "You're right, neither do I."
So I hand him the knife. I say, "I'll see you another day."
I wonder why I turned down that sweet, sweet offer.
I see my mom. She is finally breathing. No air had passed through her lungs while I was gone. Someone cares.
I see a rope crawling down my pit.
I grab hold and shout, "I'm ready."
I ascend the walls of my pit, slowly.
It takes years. I meet therapists and friends who care.
I talk to my past and say, "Go away."
I am still climbing.
This is a journey.
I get so tired, sometimes slipping back.
But I hold on tight. I don't let go. I don't give up.

The Rebelious Child

How many rebelious boys and girls are there in Boro Park, Flatbush, Monsey and so on????? Way to many to count. There is SOMETHING our parents are doing or NOT doing.

Kids, teenagers DON'T want to rebel!!!!!
Ohhhhhhh!!!!! But your son wants to wear a green kippa instead of a black velvet???
Your son had secular songs on his ipod??? Your son wants to watch movies??? Your son has a smart phone??? Your son has friends you don't like???? I mean there are so many more examples!

PARENTS!!!!  Is this a reason not to talk to your child? Is this a reason to criticise him and knock him down? Is this a reason to put him out of the house????? THIS IS THE VERY REASON WHY THERE ARE SO MANY KIDS OFF THE DERECH!!!!!

Did you ever say, oh bh he's not on drugs! Bh he's not drinking!  Bh he's not bringing girls home! No! Instead, your busy worrying about his green kapel and him having a smartphone!!

Wake up parents!!!!!!!!!!! This message is for you!!!!! STOP! Worrying about his music and his color kippa and his smart phone!!! It's 2016!!!!!! Yes!! Your teenager will have a smartphone!!!!! LOVE!!! Love, love, love!!!!! Love him with his smartphone!!!!

DO YOU WANT AN EMOTIONALLY HEALTHY CHILD??? LOVE, LOVE, LOVE! THAT'S ALL YOU GOTTA DO!!!!
DO YOU WANT A DRUG ADDICT??? THROW HIM AWAY!!!

YOUR CHOICE, YOUR DECISION!!!

BE SMART AND CHOOSE RIGHT!

Can you relate?

See poem below.

Anyone can say they care but not everyone can prove it.

I care.

I'm not sure when, but I will be posting phone numbers, hotlines of all sorts, text numbers, different organization, and programs where people who were abused or struggle with a mental illness can get help.

Just know that...

There is always a hope and an end. It depends on us how we deal with them. We can look at it as a hopeless end. or an Endless Hope.

LET'S TALK....

HI. I'M GOING TO WRITE THIS IN CAPS LETTER BECAUSE THIS IS SOMETHING I FEEL VERY STRONGLY ABOUT.
WHY IS AN INNOCENT 15, 16, 17, YEAR OLD BOY KICKED OUT OF YESHIVA INTO THE STREET??? BECAUSE HE HAD A PHONE?  BECAUSE HE WAS CAUGHT WEARING DENIM JEANS? BECAUSE HE WAS FOUND SMOKING??? OK, SO NOW YOU GONNA THROW HIM AWAY???

GUESS WHAT MY DEAR RABBI'S,
     THAT IS ABUSE!!!!!!! YOU ARE KILLING!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU ARE NOW AL PE EVERY HALACHA RESPONSIBLE FOR WHATEVER HAPPENS TO THAT CHILD FOR THE REST OF HIS LIFE!!!!!!!! HOW CAN YOU TAKE THAT UPON YOURSELF?!?!?!?!

THAT IS ABUSE!
THAT IS KILLING!
THAT IS MURDER!

Let me tell you a little bit why I opened this blog.

So I grew up and still live in the Orthodox Community. I went through my own hardships and its beyond amazing how far I've come with a lot a lot of help and support from family, friends and of course professionals.

But what bothers me SO much is how abuse of any kind and a mental illness of any kind, in the frum community is stigmatized and pushed under the rug. It's not being addressed, people are not getting the right kind of help and parents don't wanna face the fact that their daughter/son is depressed. I know a girl who was raped, and she told her mother and her mother says "What??? MY daughter?!?! Naahhh that can't be true...." What happens to that girl over the years? She slowly loses her friends, stops eating, takes drugs, and ends up committing suicide! Then we all cry why why why!?!?!?!

This is why I'm writing. Hopefully to bring awareness to parents and teachers and help people open up and seek help. People are suffering in silence for no reason. Having a mental illness is just like having heart disease  and diabetes. There is no shame what so ever. You were abused, you were raped or molested, there's help for that too!  To be continued...

PURIM LETTER TO THE COMMUNITY

A LETTER TO THE JEWISH COMMUNITY REGARDING YHE DANGER OF DRINKING DRIVING AND SMOKING ON PURIM!! EVERY YEAR PURIM WITHOUT FAIL THERE IS A FATAL TRAGEDY. SO WANTED TO PUT THIS OUT THERE. DRINKING WHILE TAKING ANY KIND OF MEDICATION IS DANGEROUS! EVEN ANTI BIOTICS. PLS CONSULT YOUR DOCTOR BEFORE IF AND HOW MUCH YOU CAN DRINK. IF YOU ARE TAKING ANY KIND OF BENZO YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED ANY TYPE OF ALCOHOL!!!!!! ALSO, PLS!! WHEN GROUPS AND BOYS AND BUCHARIM COME TO YOUR HOUSE TO COLLECT MONEY, IT IS ON YOUR ACHRAYIS TO MAKE SURE YOU DONT GIVE SOMONE UNDERAGE ANY TYPE OF ALCOHOL!! PLS WATCH WICH BEVRAGES YOU MIX! YOU CANNOT ASSUME U CAN MIX DIFFERENT BEVERAGES IT CAN BE FATAL!!! ALSO, IT IS NOT A MITZVAH TO DRINK AND THEN DRIVE YOUR FAMILY AROUND DELIVERING SHALACH MANOS!!! YOUR PUTTING YOURSELF UR FAMILY AND HUNDREDS OF OTHER PPL IN DANGER. SO KEEP IN MIND U EITHER DRINK OR DRIVE NEVER BOTH!!!! ALSO, IF YOU SEE YOUR FRIEND OVER DRINKING, STOP HIM!!! ITS NOT COOL TO OVER DRINK IT CAN LEAD TO DEATH! IF YOU SEE SOMONE IS NOT FEELING WELL PLS CALL HATZALAH RIGHT AWAY HE CAN BE OVER INTOXICATED WICH DAMAGES THE LIVER AND LEADS TO DEATH. SOMTHING ELSE PEOPLE DONT REALIZE IS A PROBLEM, SMOKING!! SO MANY YOUNG BOYS 13, 14, 15 YR OLDS ARE SMOKING ALOT OF THEM START THEIR FIRST CIG ON PURIM CUZ ITS "COOL" TO SMOKE. NO ITS NOT COOL! IF YOUR NOT SMOKING NOW THEN DONT START THIS PURIM EITHER YOULL SAVE URSELF AN ADDICTION MONEY AND ALOT OF HEALTH PROBLEMS!!! I WROTE THIS LETTER TO THE PUBLIC CUZ I FELT LIKE I HAD TOO. WE DONT NEED MORE TRAGEDYS WE DONT NEED MORE FAMILIES SITTING SHIVA AND MOURNINH OUR LOVED ONES. EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU MEAN THE WORLD TO YOUR FAMILIES AND FRIENDS. SO PLEASE LETS SEE IF WE CAN HAVE A HAPPY AND SAFE PURIM AND PLS TAKE THIS VERY SERIOUSLY. THANKS FOR READING GUYS!

Welcome to my blog :)

Comments, discussion, and feedback of all sorts are welcomed and appreciated!

Congrats!

Hey guys!
   Congrats to me, I finally opened a blog page so that I can write about the topics that are most pushed under the rug and stigmatized in our community.