All day, every day, life is like this. Fear. Apprehension. Avoidance. Pain. Anxiety about what you said. Fear that you said something wrong. Worry about others disapproval. Afraid of rejection, of not fitting in. Anxious to enter a conversation, afraid you'll have nothing to talk about. Hiding what's wrong with you deep inside, putting up a defensive wall to protect your "secret". Does this sound familiar? You are undergoing the daily, chronic trouble of living with this mental disorder we call social anxiety disorder.
Very few people understand the agonizing and traumatic depth of social anxiety disorder. Social anxiety makes people go inside themselves and try to "protect" this secret. Most people with social anxiety disorder try to hide it from others, especially from family friends and loved ones. There is fear that family members may find out they suffer from social anxiety, and then view them differently or outright reject them. Wich is not always true. But the fear of this happening makes many people with social anxiety stay in their dark closet.
This might sound funny to you, but Millions of people quietly endure this pain every day, believing there is no hope for them getting better.
What is social anxiety like?
A man finds it difficult to walk down the street because he’s self-conscious and feels that people are watching him from their windows. Or he may run into a person on the sidewalk and be forced to say hello to them. He’s not sure he can do that. His voice will catch, his "hello" will sound weak, and the other person will know he’s frightened. More than anything else, he doesn’t want anyone to know that he’s afraid. He keeps his eyes safely away from anyone else’s gaze and prays he can make it home without having to talk to anyone. Can you relate?
A woman hates to stand in line in the grocery store because she’s afraid that everyone is watching her. She knows that it’s not really true, but she can’t get rid of the feeling. While she is shopping, she is conscious of the fact that people might be staring at her from the big mirrors on the inside front of the ceiling. Now, she has to talk to the person who’s checking out the groceries. She tries to smile, but her voice comes out weakly. She’s sure she’s making a fool of herself. Her self-consciousness and her anxiety rise to the roof. She thinks to herself Hashem please help me... I can't continue this way. Will I ever be normal?
Another person sits in front of the telephone and agonizes because she’s afraid to pick up the receiver and make a call. She’s even afraid to call an unknown person in a business office about the electric bill because she’s afraid she’ll be "putting someone out" and they will be upset with her. It’s very hard for her to take rejection, even over the phone, even from someone she doesn’t know. She’s especially afraid to call people she knows because she feels that she’ll be calling at the wrong time -- the other person will be busy — and they won’t want to talk with her. She feels rejected even before she makes the call. Once the call is made and over, she sits, analyzes, and ruminates about what was said, what tone it was said in, and how she was perceived by the other person....her anxiety and racing thoughts concerning the call prove to her that she messed this conversation up, too, just like she always does. Sometimes she gets embarrassed just thinking about the call. The pain is agonizing.
"I would freeze up every time I had to meet someone in authority...." my stomach would turn, I got nauseous. I felt like I had to vomit.
A man hates to go to work because a meeting is scheduled the next day. He knows that these meetings always involve co-workers talking with each other about their current projects. Just the thought of speaking in front of co-workers raises his anxiety. Sometimes he can’t sleep the night before because of the anxiety that builds up.
Finally, the meeting is over. A big wave of relief spills over him as he begins to relax. But the memory of the meeting is still uppermost in his mind. He is convinced he made a fool of himself and that everyone in the room saw how afraid he was when he spoke and how stupid he acted in their presence. At next week’s meeting, the boss is going to be there. Even though this meeting is seven days away, his stomach turns raw with anxiety and the the fear floods over him again. He knows that in front of the boss he’ll stammer, hesitate, his face will turn red, he won’t remember what to say, and everyone will witness his embarrassment and humiliation.
He has seven miserable days of anxiety ahead of him, to think about it, ruminate over it, worry about it, overexaggerate it in his mind...over and over again. He can't focus on daily activities. Its affecting his marriage. "I don't know where to turn to" he says.
A student won’t attend her classes on the first day because she knows that in some classes the teacher will instruct them to go around the room and introduce themselves. Just thinking about sitting there, waiting to introduce herself to a room full of strangers who will be staring at her makes her feel nauseous. She knows she won’t be able to think clearly because her anxiety will be so high, and she is sure she will leave out important details. Her voice might even begin to stutter and she would sound scared and start to shake. The anxiety is just too much to bear -- so she skips the first day of class to avoid the possibility of having to introduce herself in public.
"I’m the only one in the world who has these horrible symptoms...." she thinks to herself.
My precious sisters and brothers,
You are not the only one with Social Anxiety, with all these horrible symtoms. Your not alone at all. This is just not spoken about in our community. For some reason its a big secret. So I'm writing about it hopefully to bring awareness to our parents and bring this out into the open.
Good news!!! Social Anxiety is not only treatable with CBT therapy, but also very successful! Therapy?? No way!! I'm not going to therapy!!! Well.... That's another topic.
If your looking for a CBT therapist and don't know where to start, pls call Relief 718-431-9501 you can stay anonymous.
"Its Not Going To Be easy, Its Going To Be Worth It."
